stevejobsvevo:

HOW TO BE A COOL BOYFRIEND

• rip your shirt off every 10 minutes no matter where you are
• always call your significant other by their german translated name
• wear your clothes inside-out call yourself “daddy-o”

earthnation:

people who have the same name as me are competition 

assiest:

why do people have to get ready for bed?

i’m always ready for bed

remember last summer when american eagle had that modelling contest where you submit your picture to get votes and if you get into the top 20 votes your picture is displayed at times square in new york

i submitted this photo of me about to sneeze

i placed 12th and i was on the times square billboard for two weeks

i hate each and every single one of you all

the-lonely-scottish-guy:

‘stop being overdramatic’ they say

‘i dont know what you mean’ i say as i descend from the ceiling, surrounded by mist